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Oh hey friends.

So, for those that know me, I despise politics. I don’t really choose one side of the fence or another and I don’t really care to find out which degree of a “right” or “left” I stand. I hate categories. Another topic, another rant. For now, let’s get to the point of my rant.

Congress: As someone who unwillingly has to pay your salary it’s time I act like the boss since it is my cold hard cash that you are spending. Much like any company or business owner, if you’re taking money out of their pocket for services you’re rendering, you’re going to be subject to the same expectations that any employer has.

So let’s cut to the chase. You’re fire. All of you. Done. Out of my office, clean up your cubicle and GTFO. If you read your pink slip, you’ll notice that the cause is simple yet highly applicable due to your re-occurring behavior over the last year. There are several other implications such as idiot members cheating on wives, getting caught, spending “business funds” on frivolous nights on the town with a cheap hooker, endangering human lives, and reckless behavior. No, no. I fire you for gross insubordination.

While I get that debate is a part of your job, Congress, you have exceeded and towed the line between “constructive collaboration” to “stubborn negligent insubordinate” employees. Is this too harsh? Very well. I’ll elaborate further for you.

Congress, when I am forced to pay you, I have expectations. They are not being met. At all. In fact, I find that I’m already paying you far too much. While the average salary is $174,000 (as of 2009), I know of a mechanic that I could hire that makes $130,000 less that will do a more effective job of working as a team than you all do. With 435 of you… that will be a grand savings of… $56,550,000 if I get the more reliable person who makes a comfortable living at $44,000 a year. So you’re argument of your worth is on the line. Let’s get to the insubordination.

Aside from you all squandering away my money on your political games, you have twice let down the nation. You have a goal. A team project, if you will. You have a deadline. Not only have you expressed a lack of concern regarding the goal and deadline, but you, in turn, show a lack of compassion for the customer who pays you, the people. Ironically, the goal involved money that no one could agree on. April was a horrid display of your lack of communication, teamwork, or even care for the country. You received multiple extensions on your decisions to avoid a government shutdown and even then, you more or less just came up with a half-assed high schoolers attempt to fudge a deadline at the last minute. The manner which this was handled left me pondering if even Congress played video games until 4AM when they weren’t debating about the corruption games instill.

August rolls around and yet, the same behavior occurred. The debt ceiling debate. The end result was not appeasing to anyone but my frustration with you, Congress, is that you knew this day was coming. I cannot understand how there is such poor planning, communication, and destructive deliberation behind closed doors. This was the last straw. The poor manner which this discussion was held, the behaviors of every political personage during these times (even those NOT in office and I hope not to see in office) were handling it poorly. The result? We’re back to the 5AM rush to figure “something” out.

So with niceties out of the way: Congress. Out of your office. It’s time for an entire new staff who may actually have the concept that teamwork has evaporated and that we’re going to get nowhere if all we do is push deadlines, reach subpar agreements, and blame everyone but yourselves for the situation we’re at.

/endrant